


What You Really Are

by wtfmalfoy



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining Poe Dameron, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-31 01:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6450397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfmalfoy/pseuds/wtfmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe has a reputation as the playboy of the Resistance, but he's secretly a die-hard romantic.</p><p>Inspired by a prompt from the TFA kinkmeme.  Title is from the quote "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."  --John Wooden</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in a long time, so be gentle with me. It's unbeta'ed, so if you notice any typos, feel free to let me know. I had only intended this to be a short one-shot, but it keeps growing, so it's a WIP. I hate WIPs, so I intend to finish it as quickly as possible.
> 
> Prompt is here: http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/3961.html?thread=8273529#cmt8273529

"You've been sighted. Your 9:00."

Poe startled slightly, looking up from his drink with a furrowed brow as Karé slipped into the seat next to him. "Huh?"

The bar was crowded with mostly Resistance folks, taking advantage of a rare quiet night to let loose. It seemed the whole base had been on edge as the General, and by extension, Poe, had been searching for the man who was rumored to know the location of Luke Skywalker. Poe had been tracking the man, Lor San Tekka, for days, and was heading out the next day to meet him on Jakku. After weeks of tension, it was as if the entire base could breathe a quick sigh of relief and unwind, at least for the moment. Karé and Iolo convinced him to get out for a while, but he had actually stayed much longer than he intended. 

Karé gestured over her shoulder with her chin, a smile on her face. "Right behind me. Blond guy, nice skin. He's been watching you for half an hour now. It would be cute if you were the least bit aware of it. As it stands, it's a little unsettling."

Poe rolled his eyes in fond exasperation. "Don't you have anything better to do than watch people watch me?" Over Kare's shoulder, Poe accidentally made eye contact with Blond Guy, apparently giving him some sign he'd been looking for, because he picked up his drink and started making his way across the room. "Shit, he's coming over here."

Karé laughed lightly, nudging Poe's shoulder as she stood. "Let him down gently, heartbreaker." She laughed louder as he reached out to grab her arm and keep her next to him. "Oh no, no. You're on your own with this one, boss."

Blond Guy immediately stepped into the spot Karé had vacated. He gave Poe a nice smile and gestured to his almost empty glass. "Buy you a drink?"

Poe smiled, but shook his head. "I'm good, thanks. I'm about to head home actually."

Blond Guy's smile grew wider. "Yeah? Maybe you'd like some company? My name's Malan."

"Uh," Poe hid his wince as he drained his glass. "Not tonight, Malan. Thanks though. I have a mission early tomorrow. I need to get some rest."

Malan moved a bit closer to Poe, his fingertips brushing Poe's arm. "We could be quick, and I guarantee afterwards you'll sleep like a baby."

"I'm flattered, really." Poe set his glass on the bar and stepped back. "But no. I'm not really a casual sex kind of guy."

Malan grabbed Poe's arm as he turned away. "Seriously? Poe Dameron is _not a casual sex kind of guy_? Since when? I've heard all the stories about you."

Poe's patience was wearing thin. He rolled his eyes and pulled his arm from Malan's grasp with a bit more force than absolutely necessary. "Don't believe everything you hear, Malan. Have a nice night."

Poe walked away, shaking his head. He hated the unofficial title of _Darling of the Resistance_ , and Poe has never understood how that title somehow translated to _Playboy of the Resistance_. He's had his share of wild times, back as a rookie New Republic pilot, but his decision to defect to the Resistance was not made lightly. He took the cause seriously, and as such, he didn't have time for dalliances that distracted from the objective. He was dedicated to the Resistance.

And honestly, he was not as young as he used to be. He's grown, matured, and in his heart, Poe knew that he was ready for something lasting, even in the life-or-death surroundings of war. Poe wanted someone to come home to, someone to curl into at night, someone to kiss goodbye when he leaves on a mission and reunite passionately with when he returns safe and sound. It wasn't a lot to ask, and Poe knew it wasn't exactly a likely wish, but Poe held on to the hope that he would find someone like that.

Someone jostled against Poe as he headed toward the door. He turned and grinned Jessika as she fell in step next to him.

"You good, boss? I saw what happened at the bar."

Poe bumped his shoulder against Jessika's, a warm feeling in his chest at his team's concern for him. "I'm good, Jess. Just a misunderstanding. I'm heading back to base now."

"I'll walk with you, I'm exhausted." Poe saw through the excuse easily, but nodded anyway. The two chatted all the way back to base, and Poe let Jessika walk him back to his room. He stopped outside his door, turning to Jess.

"Thanks for the walk, buddy."

Jessika pulled him into a fierce hug, whispering in his ear. "Be careful tomorrow, Poe."

"Come on, I'm always careful."

-

Poe had been staring at the side of his X-wing for several minutes, lost in thought. He'd been doing that a lot since he'd gotten off the transport from Jakku and fallen into Kare's arms, exhausted and dehydrated. He'd stayed quiet through his trip to the medbay, and recited the events of Jakku and his escape from the _Finalizer_ robotically to General Organa before she'd told him to get a few hours rest. Instead, he'd gone back to the hangar to work on Black One, thinking that the familiarity of the work would distract him from his thoughts. It was a tried and true practice, but it wasn't working this time. So instead, he stared, thinking about Jakku, BB-8, Kylo Ren, and a stormtrooper named Finn, who was lost somewhere, maybe dead, maybe never to be found again.

"Daydreaming about your dashing savior again, boss?"

Poe jumped at the sound of Pava's voice, but covered the reaction by turning quickly to watch her open up her toolbox. "Ha ha, Pava. I'm just thinking."

"Thinking about _Finn_ , right? Thinking about how he saved your life, rescued you from the brink of despair, took off his helmet so that you could look into his swoon-worthy brown eyes..." Pava clutched her chest and faked a swoon, going down to her knees with a lovesick look on her face.

"I did not swoon, thank you very much. Wait, how did you know he had brown eyes?" Poe asked.

Iolo snorted as he walked by. "Brown eyes, I assume we're talking about Finn?" He continued on and Pava gave Poe a smirk, as if Iolo had just made her point for her.

"Poe, you've described his eyes on at least four separate occasions" She lowered the tone of her voice in a passable impression of Poe, squinting her eyes slightly and giving herself a dreamy expression. " _Jess, I'm serious, his eyes...I could have lost myself in his eyes. He looked so scared, but so determined, I've never seen anyone else with eyes like that._ "

Poe buried his face in his hands. "I did not say it like that. You make me sound like a lovesick teenager."

Jess laughed. "If the helmet fits, Poe, you wear the damn thing."

Poe kept his face hidden, a little embarrassed at how accurate Pava's impression had been. He hadn't realized he had talked so much about Finn. Thought about him constantly, yes, but he hadn't realized he'd talked about him constantly as well. And what was the point of that? Finn most likely hadn't survived the crash. There was no point in waxing poetic about a dead man, and definitely no point in wondering what might have been had things turned out differently.

Snap yelled, making his presence known before he reached them. "Poe!"

Poe started, then blinked a few times to focus on his friend. "Yeah, Snap, what's up?"

Snap jogged the last few steps to Poe, his eyes excited. He gripped Poe's bicep. "They've spotted BB-8 on Takodana! We're trying to get there before the First Order does, come on!"

Poe's heart pounded and for the first time since landing back on D'Qar, he grinned.

-

Poe climbed down the ladder from the cockpit and handed off his helmet to the tech. He'd heard over the comms that BB-8 had been retrieved, but he would only feel better when he saw his little droid with his own eyes.

Before he could head back to command, he heard familiar beeping and his head shot up, spotting a familiar orange and white blur speeding toward him. He dropped to his knee, feeling an overwhelming urge to hug his droid. That's when he finally understood what BB-8 had been saying.

"Wait, what? Finn? You met Finn?"

Even as BB-8 was confirming what he'd asked, Poe heard his named being called. He glanced up, then back down at BB-8, then immediately back up to the man standing a short distance from him.

"Finn?"

"Poe Dameron? You're alive?"

"Finn!"

Suddenly, Poe was in Finn's arms. He couldn't even remember standing, crossing the distance and throwing himself at Finn, who returned his hug as enthusiastically as it was given. And wasn't that an exhilarating feeling? Poe let the hug linger a while longer than he probably should, biting his lip to keep himself from blurting something ridiculous, like _let's run away together and make love on a beach somewhere and stare into each other's eyes as the sun sets in front of us and hold each other and never let go._ Because yeah, that tended to freak people out a bit.

Poe was a little disappointed that their reunion was so short, but there was a war going on around them. Finn needed help, and Poe needed to be the one to help him. From that point, there was no chance to catch up, no time to sit down with Finn and find out how he'd survived the crash and managed to find his droid as well.

There was time, though, for Poe's squadron to hear about Finn's heroics. Karé was the first to approach Finn as everyone mingled in command, waiting for the planning session to begin.

"Finn," she said as she extended her hand. "I've heard a lot about you already. Seems you've lived up to the hype."

Finn shook her hand, glancing from Karé, who was grinning, to Poe, who was blushing. "Hype?"

"Oh yeah, hype. Poe's been talking about you ever since he got back from Jakku. He's right, you're absolutely a hero." With a wink to Poe, who squeezed his eyes shut and bit back a groan, she sauntered away.

When Poe opened his eyes, Finn was looking at him curiously. "You told her I was a hero?"

Without thought, Poe put his hand on Finn's arm and leaned in to stare into Finn's eyes. "Buddy, you saved my life. Of course I said you were a hero. You rescued me, and you completed my mission. That's heroic."

Finn's lips slowly formed a smile, but before he could respond, General Organa began the meeting. Poe never got the chance to ask Finn what he had been wanting to say. The next time Poe saw him, he was unconscious in Chewbacca's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn's unconscious. Then he's not. Poe thinks it might have been easier when he was unconscious. Also, he's never getting drunk with Pava again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entirely unbeta'ed, sorry.

Poe dropped in on an unconscious Finn a couple of times a day for the first week, then gradually more often as the base settled slightly. Poe had less to do after the destruction of Star Killer, the First Order hidden away somewhere licking its wounds, and the Resistance trying to track them down. It felt peaceful, sitting in medbay next to Finn, the room quiet aside of Poe and Finn's breathing and the occasional beep of Finn's vitals on the monitor.

At first, Poe simply sought solace in the constant bustling activity of the base. He'd sit next to Finn and read, or doze, or even just clear his mind and meditate on nothing in particular. Finn's room was his hideout. His friends hadn't figured out where he went when he disappeared, and Poe enjoyed the solitude for a while. But as time passed and Finn still slept, Poe caught the worried expressions of the medbay staff, and he suddenly knew that they had expected Finn to awaken before now. Poe realized that it had been two weeks since they'd destroyed Star Killer, and really, Finn should have recovered more in that time. When Dr. Kalonia came in to check on Finn, Poe asked her about it.

The doctor shrugged. "Everyone heals at their own pace, Commander. That said, there's nothing physically keeping him unconscious at this point. His body has healed, which is what's causing us to worry."

Poe cast a glance over Finn's still form. "So he will wake up, then?"

Dr. Kalonia bumped her shoulder against his gently. "I don't see why not. He's not deteriorating, at least. We'll give him some more time."

After that, Poe spent all of his spare time in Finn's room. He talked to him, long, rambling stories about the places he'd show Finn once he woke up, foods he should try, people Poe would introduce him to. Poe enlisted his friends to help, and Finn had a steady stream of visitors every day, different voices for Finn to listen to and learn, on the off chance that he could hear them while unconscious.

Poe was relieved that his friends didn't question why he wanted them to visit so often. They all just kind of shrugged and went with it, though Karé did give him a long look that promised that would be having a talk at some point.

Jessika Pava showed up to Finn's room with a small plant and a sheepish smile. "I thought it might make the room a little more homey," she said as she put it on his bedside table.

Poe gave her a wide smile and stood to pull her into a hug. "Thanks, Pava. I'm sure he'll appreciate it when he wakes up."

Jessika moved to Finn's bedside and took his hand. "Hey Finn, I'm Jessika Pava. I have a lot of nicknames around here, and you can call me whichever you want...Pava, Jess, Testor, any or all of the above."

Poe watched silently, his heart warmed. His friends really were terrific. He moved to the other chair so that Jess could sit closer to Finn, and she dropped into his chair, still holding Finn's hand.

"I have to say, man, this coma thing is getting a little old. Poe's had all these great things to say about you, and what a hero you are, you saved his life, blah blah blah, but I have to say, I'm not seeing it. All you do is lay around and sleep. Not all that impressive."

Poe snorted and she gave him a wink before she continued. "You've charmed our boy here, though. You should wake up and see how he looks at you. I've never seen him look at anyone like that before. He looks at you like he looks at his plane. It's kind of cute, and also pitiful at the same time."

"Geez, Pava." Poe felt his face heat with embarrassment, and he looked anywhere but at Jess. His friends had teased him about Finn, but he hadn't realized he'd been so obvious with his little crush. He needed to reign that in before Finn woke up so that he wouldn't make the other man uncomfortable.

Jessika talked to Finn a while longer, then placed his hand gently back on his bed and turned to Poe.

"So?"

Poe was confused. "So, what?"

"What are you going to do when he wakes up?" Jessika asked.

"Uh, nothing? The guy doesn't have anyone else. His only other friend has flown off to find Luke Skywalker, and he doesn't know anyone else. I'm trying to be his friend. Just his friend," added Poe when Pava looked skeptical.

"You're not even going to make a move, boss? All those sweet seduction ideas I know you have? You have no plans whatsoever to take him down to the beach and serenade him with your guitar? You don't want to take his hand and kiss each of his knuckles and stare into his eyes and tell him how you feel?"

Poe groaned loudly and buried his face in his hands. "I'm never getting drunk with you again, ever. You said you would never bring that up again."

Jess laughed. "I said I wouldn't tell anyone how you'd really like to show someone you love them. I never said I wouldn't bring it up in private to tease you. And honestly, I never thought I'd have a chance." Her smile softened. "I really hope this works out for you, Poe."

Poe still couldn't look his friend in the eye, but he did smile at her words. "Yeah, well. We don't even know how he feels about me. He may not even be interested."

-

Two days later, Finn awoke as if it were just another morning. Poe noticed a slight twitch in his hand, and when he looked to Finn's face, the other man's eyes were open and looking at Poe.

"Oh," said Finn. "How long was I out?"

"Oh? 'Oh' is the first thing you say?" Poe chuckled. "About five weeks."

Finn smiled. "'Oh' seemed to sum it up nicely enough. And Rey?"

Poe leaned forward, patting Finn's arm. "She left to find Luke Skywalker. She's fine, she's good."

Finn's smile grew wider. "Great, that's great. And you're okay? Didn't get hurt in the battle?"

"As good a shape as I ever am," said Poe, arms spread wide.

"Pretty good shape, I'd say," Finn said automatically, then his eyes grew comically wide, as if he actually hadn't meant to say that out loud. Poe opened his mouth to respond when someone spoke from the doorway.

"The hero awakens!"

Jessika plopped down in the seat next to Poe, beaming at Finn, who looked a little confused.

"Um, hi?"

Jessika stuck her hand out for him to shake. "Sorry, I've been talking to you for weeks, so I forgot we haven't actually met. I'm Jessika. You can call me Jess, or Testor, or-"

"Pava," Finn frowned. "Jessika Pava. I'm not sure how I know that."

Jess shrugged, still smiling. "Like I said, I have been talking to you for a while during your coma. Maybe you recognize my voice? I introduced myself while you were asleep, so maybe some part of you remembers it?"

Finn's lips slowly twitched into a smile. "Maybe that's it. Thank you for visiting me, even if I wasn't awake at the time. That was very kind." He turned to look at Poe, including him in the sentiment.

"Oh, a bunch of us have been visiting you. Poe asked us to come in and talk to you, keep you company." Poe felt his face heat at that, especially when Finn looked at him questioningly.

"You asked them to do that?"

"Sure, buddy. Honestly, after you'd been unconscious for a couple weeks, the doctors were starting to get a little worried. They thought talking to you might help, let you know you weren't alone. I figured the more voices, the better." Poe looked down at his hands so he didn't have to meet Finn's wide eyes, or Jessika's knowing smirk.

He startled slightly when a large hand touched his shoulder. He looked up to see Finn staring at him, eyes wet.

"Poe, thank you. I've never experienced this sort of kindness. It means a lot to me, really."

Poe forgot about everything other than Finn's face as he gave him a soft smile. The smile was far too soft to be interpreted as anything but loving, but hopefully Finn wouldn't realize that.

"Anytime, Finn. Seriously. You're one of us now, and we'll take care of you."

He only remembered their audience when Jess shifted in her seat. She sat back in her seat, watching them avidly. When he turned to look at her, she opened her mouth to speak, then closed it abruptly before she stood.

"Finn, I'm so glad you're awake. I just remembered that I need to check on my plane, so I have to go. I'll let the med droid know you're up so they can check you out. In a few minutes." She gave Poe a significant look. "So you have a few minutes before they come in here. To check Finn. In like three minutes."

Finn blinked slowly, then nodded. Poe swiped a hand across his face and gave Jessika a glare. "Thanks so much for your help, Jess."

Finn waited until Jessika was out the door before he spoke again. "Is she...okay? Because that last part was weird, right? That's not just my lack of social skills shining through?"

Poe laughed. "She's fine. She's just trying to give me a hint, and she's not very subtle about it."

"A hint? About what?"

"About, uh…" Poe sighed, not exactly sure how to start. "Did—In the First Order, did people have relationships? Like, uh...dating relationships?"

The moment it took Finn to process the question felt like forever, and Poe felt himself get more and more embarrassed before Finn responded.

"Oh. _Oh._ Um," stuttered Finn. "Dating. Not so much. I mean, Phasma didn't really care as long as it didn't affect your focus in the field, I don't think. But no one I knew really _dated_. Some people had s-sex, I walked in on some people a couple times, but s-sex isn't really dating, is it?"

Poe smiled, feeling a little more confident. So he wasn't starting from scratch with Finn, which he had honestly been afraid would be the case. Finn knew about sex, and knew what dating was, at least.

"Not necessarily, though the two do sometimes go together, at least for me." Poe leaned forward, looking into Finn's eyes. "I'd like to date you, Finn. That's what Jess wanted me to say. I know it's quick, and you've literally just woken up, and there's absolutely no pressure, but I just wanted you to know. I'm attracted to you, and I'd like to date you."

There, he'd said it. Poe had never been one to hide from his feelings. Even if Finn rejected him, Poe wanted him to know how he felt. He did need to add one thing, though.

"Oh, and if you don't feel the same, or you're not ready, or whatever, it's fine. I don't want this to interfere with our friendship. No matter what, I'm here for you, okay buddy?"

Finn blinked several times, still focused on Poe. Finally, he spoke. "Wow. That's...that's incredibly flattering, Poe."

Poe's heart sank. He knew what those words meant. He nodded, and started to speak, but Finn kept talking.

"I don't even know how to process that. I mean, you're… _you_. You're Poe Dameron. You could have literally any person in the galaxy. Why would you—is this some kind of—I'm not sure what—" He stopped and took a slow, deep breath. "Can I think about it?"

"Sure, buddy." The med droid entered the room and Poe took that as an excuse. "I'll let them check you out, make sure everything's okay, and we can talk about this another time, if you want."

He turned for the door without really waiting for an answer, but Finn quickly called out his name. He glanced over his shoulder at Finn, who was worrying his lower lip. "Yeah, Finn?"

"You're coming back right?"

"Of course I'll come back."

"Today? Like soon-ish today?"

Poe couldn't help but smile. "Yes, I'll come back soonish today. I'll come after dinner. I'll sneak you in some decent food."

Some of the worry left Finn's expression and he smiled. "Please do. I could eat a bantha."

"I don't know if the mess has bantha, but I'll see what I can find."

"See you soon, Poe. Soonish."

"See you soonish, Finn."


End file.
